Now, all through February, my blogger friends have been bringing the FIRE with their guest blog posts. How do I know that? Because ya’ll have told me! I get the emails and comments…and so do they. So, thanks for showing them how the #MOXIE tribe gets down! If you remember, Mariah Cole kicked it off by talking about how to get the juice, Chauncey Citchens followed up by reminding us to just pour the water, my girl Cass gave us the top 5 life lessons, and now I had to tap my favorite Doctor to bring it home and close out the month!
Blessing the blog today is my big sister Jack Jack Attack (professionally known as Dr. Jackie Darby). I’ve mentioned my sister before on the blog when I talked about how her view of self care led me to getting monthly massages (you can read that blog post here). Now she’s here with a reminder to kick mediocrity to the curb for both you and your friends’ sake. I hope you enjoy it and I’ll catch you next week!
The other day, I was talking to a friend of mine and somehow cough medicine came up (I have no idea why it came up. It probably has to do with the flu that is going around everywhere. Remember to wash your hands and if you’re sick STAY HOME). Anyway, we were talking about cough medicine and I said, “Do you remember Dimetapp?” We both went on a mini-rant on why Dimetapp is probably the best tasting medicine ever. After the mini-rant my friend said, “Yep, I remember. It tasted okay, but it didn’t work like Robitussin though.”
That comment stuck with me because my friend was right. Although I am pretty sure Dimetapp and Robitussin are made by the same company, the quality of the medicine is not the same. I am not saying that Dimetapp is not effective, I am merely concluding that it is meant for children. Dimetapp is sweet and bright purple. It has to be pliable in order for it to be useful. It is designed to be tolerable for people who cannot handle the tart taste that is found in Robitussin. However, that sweetness comes with a cost. In exchange for the taste, the tolerance of the medicine is reduced. Which is why, if you have a “grown-up” cough you go for the Robitussin. Even though that stuff is disgusting, you know that the cough will be under control.
I know what you are thinking, “Jackie what’s the point of talking about this?” Well, let me tell you. As you are cultivating your tribe and building your very own “Flosse Posse,” it is important to make sure that you are not surrounding yourself with “Dimetapps.” Don’t just surround yourself with people who make you feel good. You are not a child anymore. You need to be surrounded by people who are going to help you grow, even if it means that what they say can be hard to swallow.
I get it. Everybody loves a hype-man. Who wouldn’t want someone who is always around you, telling you that every idea you come up with and every project you create is the best thing poppin? Everybody wants someone who speaks positivity into their life and makes the world a more wonderful place. However, that is not the point of having a tribe. The point of a tribe is not just to hype you up, but it is also to build you up. Building someone up means that at times you have to come in and give the hard truth. Sometimes you must give the negative feedback. You have to break down defenses and tear through excuses. Sometimes you have to come in like a wrecking ball in order to help them realize their potential. Hopefully you are giving the feedback to help and not cause harm.
One of the hardest things that we, as Tribe Members, have to do is to learn how to give constructive feedback (CONSTRUCTIVE being the key word). I know it’s hard. But remember, if we care for something we should correct it. Push people to be better. Don’t just hype them up to be mediocre.
Be Robitussin, my fellow Tribe Members, because friends don’t let friends be average.
About Jacquelin: Dr. Jacquelin Darby is a postdoctoral fellow at the AU Counseling Center located in Washington DC. Dr. Darby received her PsyD from American School of Professional Psychology which is located in Arlington, Virginia. Her clinical interests include: substance use issues, the effects of colorism, effects of systemic oppression on individuals, and group therapy. In addition to providing therapy services, Dr. Darby presentation credits include the American Psychology Association, the Virginia Psychology Association, and the Association of Black Psychologists. She has been a guest blogger for Time2Track, a blog that caters to students pursing higher degrees in psychology. Dr. Jacquelin Darby believes that therapy is just a conversation between two people and is developing ways in which quality mental health services can be accessible to everyone.
Guest blog post on Time2Track: click here
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